The Scene Serene

Thoughts. Those Wonderful Thoughts

thesceneserene — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 15:30:28 +0000

You ever feel blank. Blank like that the white wall you stare at after a long day and no one else is around. It’s 3 a.m. Now is the time when life talks back to you. Your mind gives you the answers; or it could drive you crazy with more questions. Reflections. But I’m careful, because I know my mind creates the sweet fruit that I enjoy eating; that I crave. And I know my mind can also create the poisons that try to kill my dreams, my soul, my inspiration. What is life but a make up of trillions of decisions we make as we push along. Like right now, this I’m writing has some effect on my life, my future; because whoever reads this, will be effected. And then whatever that person gets from this, will affect another person who they come in contact with. Energy; it travels and it comes back around. It goes farther than our own human eyes can see. It is the most basic form of life. Energy lives. So smile. So shine. Be. Be the creators of greatness; of happiness. Love. Love always. Love now. Love forever; so that those who look back, will remember and be inspired. Memory. Memory lives on; because memory is a member of us. I am a member of my family’s legacy. I am a member of my people’s legacy. I am a part of something bigger than me. Scary? No it’s actually quite wonderful. Fear only comes with greatness when we only think of ourselves when we think of greatness. We’re wrong. We’re selfish. Our greatness is for other’s to enjoy; to inspire; to learn; to understand. That is why we live. That is WHY we LIVE.

Epic Fail-”You Got A Little Bit Of Caucasion in You?”

thesceneserene — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 20:07:09 +0000

So are we still associating being articulate with being white these days? This mess must end here!

That’s what I assumed when a guy I met this past weekend said to me “You got a little bit of Caucasian in you.” Now I just jumped to the meat without giving you the seasoning, so let me get down to it.

This past weekend I was at a get together with some friends. This guy was a friend of a friend and he kept pursuing me the whole night. After trying to “warm up” to me, eventually he got comfortable enough to ask for a dance. As we all know a dance leads to an opener for a conversation and a way to isolate the girl from her friends. Now we get to talking and everything is cool-like where is your family from?- what you like?- blah, blah, blah. After a few words were exchanged, laughs shared, and uh-huhs and oks, ya boy was actually getting somewhere with the conversation. I wasn’t sold but I was not bored either.

Then he dropped a bomb on me. He says, “So you got a little bit of Caucasian in you.” Immediately I did my fake chuckle and said, “Well what do you mean?” So he says it three or four more times and I asked three or four more times, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” lol. After I challenged him on his comment he tried to retract his statement by saying he was just playing. Wow! Sorry dude but the damage was done. Immediately any interest I had in him went down to zero.

The only reason why I still feel some type of way about the situation is because I can only assume what he was implying by the comment. He never gave me real reason so now there is just pondering.

Of course when a guy says something stupid like that, he will get roasted in the conversations I have with my friends immediately after. On the way home in the cab I told two of my homegirls what he said. Both said he was “done” and he was probably trying to imply that since I didn’t sound exactly “hood” I was trying to be white. I did not expect that from a guy like him, only because he was college-educated himself and a few years in age ahead of me. So for him to say that just shows his ignorance.

For those who really know me, know that I am far from anything “Caucasian”. I grew up around black people (some good, some hood), go to a black university, and I also am an Afro-American studies minor. Never assume, it’s not good for health.

With that said, has anyone ever said some next ish to you, and in the moment you thought it was dumb, but as time went on you felt like that person was really trying to play you?

Things Will Happen The Way They Should

thesceneserene — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 19:07:20 +0000

35 – At this age I hope to be settled. We all imagine the husband, big house and two kids, greenery in the front lawn, backyard, car, maybe a dog or a cat, the perfect neighbors…I can go on and on. However I’m only 21. I’m close to getting my wonderful ticket to the world with the great institution of Howard stamping me with approval. I’ve had a great deal of pre-career experience and according to my parents and mentors I’m well on my golden path to wherever my career will lead me as a writer and communicator. To think of a family or a husband right now-well it wouldn’t make sense.

I’m too selfish right now. Not selfish in a way where I wouldn’t want to share some warm chocolate chip cookies with you if I had some (Well maybe I may think twice), because I do believe in sharing happiness. Or if I had information that may help a friend I’d pass it on. I would never mind stopping to help a complete stranger with directions even if I was in a rush. I’m not selfish in that way.

What I mean by being selfish is that I really need to work on myself. I can barely roll out the bed for my own good to make it work or my internship or class. Imagine adding on a husband or a house to tend. Then adding on a kid. AH! I don’t even think so. I’m not ready for that responsibility. Going on and on I don’t even want a big house with a front lawn. lol! Some people laugh at me when I tell them I want to buy two brownstones that are next door to each other and make them into one big house. Yes that is my dream. You may laugh or ponder, but I’m such a city girl. And of course it won’t make sense to anyone other than me. Moreover I’m allergic to cats and I guess I would not mind a dog. Also forget a car right now- I don’t even have my license but I’m working on that (Yes I can drive at least).

The whole purpose of me writing this is to really put into perspective who I am as of the present in relation to what I want in the future. I may want the whole world, but what I do now affects me having that eventually. I like to think ahead – not to stress myself out or worry, but to at least know what I want in my future.

I also keep in mind that no matter how much I plan and how precise I think I have this future thing planned out, things will not always hit the mark. One must be open to the flexible, topsy-turvy roads of the future.

Plan but don’t get mad if it doesn’t always work the way YOU think it should. Life will ALWAYS happen the way it should.

5 Lessons Life Has Shown Me

thesceneserene — Mon, 24 May 2010 16:30:58 +0000

IM BACK. I know I have not updated recently. Sorry to those who have been checking. Anyway Summer 2010 is on deck and I am excited for all the people and places that I will meet. My life has gone through so many changes lately. I’ve definitely met some new challenges. This has allowed me to learn new things about not only myself but about others too. As much as I think I know, I realize I have not seen anything yet. Here are five lessons life has shown me lately…

1) Sometimes overworking is not working at all. I realized a break rejuvenate the mind and re-inspires me to do better work.

2) What is for me is for me. I can’t look sideways all I can do is look ahead. Blessings will always come with my name tagged all over it.

3) Life is random. No matter how much I plan, sometimes life has its course and I must follow it.

4) Being positive has made me draw in more positive people and has purged me of those that have been negative.

5) When things are not going my way, I have to sit back, shut up and allow God speak. Especially when I have tried my hardest. This is where my patience has played a key role in maintaining my sanity.

Spring Break is Over (Sigh)

thesceneserene — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 06:00:38 +0000

Spring Break is over. Those four words roll off my tongue harshly only because I enjoyed the break so much. Miami was so beautiful. Nothing lasts forever, but I will return again. Enjoy these photos. This is only a bit of what happened, but I can’t reveal everything .

Breaking Free

thesceneserene — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:41:10 +0000

This month I’m truly breaking free. Traveling always excites me. The thought of getting away from the norm is a guaranteed adrenaline rush. Sometimes I feel like I’m all over the place; like I have no order to my life. I constantly have to stay organized. There are times where I fall off and I lose steam. Times like now. I came back to school this semester so hard. I was going in. I was attending every class, extra early for work, doing all my homework on time and was even ahead of class. Now I find myself slowly creeping into lax ways. Slowly but surely I am finding my equilibrium. I really want that rhythm back. Right now I just feel offbeat. As I return to NYC and make moves south over the next few weeks, I’m glad to have a change of scenery. I need some new air to wake me up. It’s like that sometimes.

Missing Doesn’t Always Mean Losing

thesceneserene — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:23:12 +0000

For the past month or so, I have anxiously awaited a response from a highly respected magazine organization about my application status for their summer internship program. I received the email, opened it, and boom I was rejected. “We appreciate your…but we can’t accept everyone…good luck in your endeavors!” They usually go something like that. Anyway my heart dropped for a quick second. I’m not going to lie I felt slightly disappointed. Yet I was surprised at how mature I handled it. I’ve heard so many no’s that I’ve become numb to the word. I don’t understand what “no” means anymore. My outlook on life has definitely changed. Instead of me feeling like my life was over, I felt self-assurance. I know I have never received everything I wanted, but everything I thought I wanted was not always meant for me. I love taking risks and sometimes I might come out of nowhere and say hey let me try this. I’ve probably done this more often these past few years and I can say life has given me more fruit then I can chew. With that said, I’m not really worried about it. One rejection doesn’t equate failure. It just means something better for me is coming.

Have you ever wanted something really bad in life and you got played to the left, only to find out it was something better coming?

Come Again…? Racist Question Or Not?

thesceneserene — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 17:00:54 +0000

The other day I was speaking to my co-worker who happens to be white. I attend Howard Univeristy, a HBCU (Historically Black Colleges and Universities). We were talking about school and all that good stuff then she asked me, “What do you think “average” people think of Howard?” Now you all know me. I nic-pick at everything people say. (Blame logic, journalism, and african-american studies courses for the constant over-thinking). But I’ve been taught to critically think and because of this, I felt like this question was loaded. First off who is “average”? Am I not average? Are the students that attend Howard not the average person. What does that mean? Is Howard not average? What is an average school? There are millions of questions I could ask surrounding this question. To be honest I did not know how to answer it. I simply told her that some people think that because a school is a HBCU it does not have diversity. However there are a heavy mix of national and international students from many cultural and ethnic backgrounds at Howard, which makes us more diverse than “other” schools. When I said that she just shook her head yes and looked so dumb. I think she felt dumb for asking in the first place. Which she should have. If anything she could have asked, “What do you think most people think of Howard?” or “How diverse is the school?” That would not have been as bad. But to imply that our school isnt average (whatever that means) confuses me. What do you think she meant?

These Thoughts Grip Me…

thesceneserene — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 16:45:54 +0000

I’m thinking about life and it’s purpose at the wee hours of the morning, when these thoughts usually run through my mind. They love to visit me and party in my head. Ideas, epiphanies, revelations bouncing off the walls of my brain. The world, society, humanity. Love, hate, pain. Why do these things come so late? Why is the night the stomping ground for all things beyond reality? The dreams follow me. They like me. They chose me. Even if I don’t want them there. A knock at my door, I let one in, and the dream just brings along more friends to party in my brain. A never-ending jam. They don’t know when to stop. Then somehow they suck me in, even when I want to resist. Jumbled dreams, thoughts, ideas. No room to breathe. Yet it still goes on. The world is a thought away from change. Actions connect the two. If my thoughts get a tight enough grip on my arm, they will lead me to the door of action. I’ve never resisted opening. I enter. They push me in. Once I fall through the door of action, my little change for the world occurs. My thoughts get me every night. They’ve been doing this for a long time. I expect them tomorrow night. And the night after, and the night after, the night after, and after…

Hello March…

thesceneserene — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 16:20:37 +0000

March is here and I welcome her with open arms. This is the beginning of warmer weather. Aren’t you excited!? I am. I live for this. This is a season of travel, of new relationships, and the strengthening of old ones. Spring is where I get allergies unfortunately . But it’s also the season of my birthday. Spring is where I will see all the hard work from the winter come to life. Either way, as long as I don’t see anymore of the cold white flakes come out the sky, I’m straight. This will be a great month. Lets get it!